just because i often skip freakin lectures and tutorials doesnt fucking make me a fucking dumb arse.
it only makes me a lazy arse.
i hate empty promises.
nevertheless, three months isnt long and my discrimination towards some people never cease to end. oh, dont get me wrong i am not a racist.
and to that someone, you are the fucking younger brother so behave like one and give fucking respect to your elder brother. who the fuck do you think you are? i never liked you and your family. you are so rude, selfish and proud.
i am heartbroken today by everybody else but the boy.
the boy is picking up the pieces for me.
i adore you like no other.
ladollyvita at 10:08 PM
follow the boy in the black shirt
he took me to places so far away
to the galaxy of stars and beyond.
i love the way he moves
it sets my heart ablaze.
when he snaps pictures of me
i wonder what he sees
i wonder what he thinks.
the boy
is my superhero
come on, azfar, lets go home.
ladollyvita at 9:47 PM
my cousin passed away this mourning. he left this world, his wife and five children. the eldest is only fifteen and the newborn is only six months old.
i visited him at changi hospital's icu last night. he was still unconcious yet when you touch his hand, his head twitch a little. it makes you feel so sad to see this small man lying helplessly on the bed with tubes poking here and there and his last few hours of life was being run by machines. there's nothing you can do but look and shed tears. it makes it even more sad that the doctor said there is no hope and we should make the choice whether or not to pull the plug. oh only god knows the pain a wife or a mother would feel.
this morning, the doctor told the wife to call all the relatives to come down to see him. for the last time. his wife held his hand tight and talked to him even though he was still lying there unconcious. his two older sons held him and whispered in his ears. his mother crying uncontrollably holding him. his relatives reading verses from the quran and crying. then his heart stopped beating and the machines were turned off.
my other cousin is getting married this sunday. the wedding will seem rather sad. everybody will be tired going from one place to another. preparing for the wedding and visiting my widow aunt's place for kenduris.
we come and go but we dont know when. life is ever so precious and can be taken away from you anytime. today happened so fast. my cousin is now gone. his wife will cry till she sleeps these few nights. his two older children too. his two little girls will only have scraps of memories of their father. his newborn dont even get the chance to know her father.
so much tears shed today for a young life lost.
ladollyvita at 6:50 PM
when i talk abt friendster and everything that is in it. i am simply referring it to people i know and whom i dislike. so for those whom i dont, dont take it personal. i dont know you, i wont diss you.
it is just about this little group of self-proclaimed fashionistas.
one of them who thinks one is petite, when fo' real yo, is just short and chubby.
and another one who tells the world one is witty and read alot of books and is witty. yes i meant to say that twice.
and plus all the other friends of theirs alike.
and no, they are not gay.heh.
i just dont quite like people who self-proclaim themselves as this and that. oh and the darn laughter is fuckin annoying, do work on it.
well, if they do stumble upon this. they will despise me. but hey, this is some sort of a journal right? so what the fuck do you expect? no critism and just talk about what i did today and the day before that and the day before that? hell no.
i have somewhat lost track of what a journal really is. without a doubt writing in a book is so much better and real as compared to blogging. but alas, i am on the computer almost the whole day and night. blogging however, is a show offish way for people to tell other people by not trying to tell them directly but indirectly and then not be called a show off-er. when really, if you think about it, we're all just show off-ers.
and now you judge me with what you have just read.
we're all hypocrites and are always in denial.
ladollyvita at 10:05 AM
the fine line between reality and dream is unknown. others see you sleeping but you can practically see them with your eyes closed. it is not easy to explain but im sure most of you have experienced it before.
it feels so real, you shout and you struggle to breathe. but the people on the other side can never hear you. then you realized that you are in a whole different realm. a place similar to what you see in reality but is just simply a whole different side. and you feel lucky that you dont see them. those playful entity of a different kind. cos then maybe, you wont be able to close your eyes for more than a minute.
ladollyvita at 11:54 AM
i spent the last few hours contemplating what to draw in my new fourty paged sketchbook. i have to submit twenty sketches by the end of the fourteenth week. if i start now, i should finish early and the burden will be lesser. but my hand is reluctant to draw, my mind is blank and my fingers are no longer making love with the pencil. have i forgotten how to draw?
my sister said, "Why is your face the layout, some people are so full of themselves." well that was not exactly what she said but the idea is there.
it is not that i am full of myself. i am vain to the very point that every average person is but my fugly face is there because this is my place for ranting and i dont see the point of putting a gorgeous model potraying perfection at its very best. she is not me and i hell can never be her, so why torture my self-esteem and put up her picture and everytime i look at her i feel so defeated?
but i simply cant deny the fact that people are "showing off" themselves or the things they owe, onto their blogs. in which, my sister herself, does.
hmm.
but i love going to photoblogs. critisizing and comparing is so much fun.
happy sunday shmunday to all.
ladollyvita at 3:59 PM
} i feel better today.
} i keep on dropping my handphone clumsily.
} my specs is broken.
} i love photoshop.
} rafie came back from the land down under but now it feels like he is not even here in the first place. where are you, foo.
} i cant do freehand technical drawing.
} im earning more the next year (tuition with the kids)
} my hair has grown
ladollyvita at 2:04 PM
i am going through another battle with myself. and i doubt im winning. this is just one of those pissy days. i am critisizing everyone of you in my head. i do wish to kill you. i cant feel my heart. today is officially a bad day and i bet the coming days will be too.
and i wonder why the fuck am i listening to american headcharge.
forgotten music back on the playlist.
oh the horror, the horror.
so, are you breathing?
ladollyvita at 11:39 AM
they cheated me.
freehand drawing is actually freehand technical drawing. what the fuck.
but nevertheless i enjoy it since it is a form of art and i love drawing so much. i stayed up till four in the morn to draw a two-point perspective of a friggin hammer. now i know how artists draw ever so accurately and live-liked.well i guess its not as bad, although i am still rooted to the fact that its actually technical drawing. reminds me of design and technolody. i have always sucked arse in d&t.
only the second week of school and ive gotten flu.
my new class is erm okay i guess. havent actually 'broke the ice'.
yet again, only one malay girl. who is surprisingly my sister's friend. kind of funny uh.
there is a boy who is just like keigo.
there are three, four intelligent people.they got Zs for their papers! (distinction)
a girl whom everybody think is pretty.
and a butch-looking person who doesnt like to smile or make a face that potrays happiness =|
ouh darn. everybody's gonna learn chinese yo.
i am seriously thinking of learning mandarin (again). cos everywhere i look in business school, they're all chinese.
chinese, chinese, chinese.
wanpatan.
heh.
note: no racism is intended in this entry.
i am a nice person.
ladollyvita at 9:22 AM
everyone laughed at a joke, as if they never even heard it before.
there are times, when being small (whether literally or not) is never a good thing. i feel defeated by the world that looks down on me without the slightest sense of respect at any level.to them, im so weak.your words pierce so deep that you will only know how it feels if i stabbed you twenty times in the same spot with a butcher's knife.
as content as i may feel. as many friends i may have. it all doesnt matter when it comes down to the fact that i just feel so alone.no, i am not sensitive.i have stand you for the longest time.cracking up jokes of my flaws, but have i ever in return made fun of your flaws that are utterly obvious?
this amuses me. do you get it?
ladollyvita at 8:38 PM
