okay so someone...has been copying and pasting my entries onto her/his blog.
and pinkharma dear, she copied one of your entries too.
and mint too.
and i think a whole load of others.
whoa. i was just watching a movie about a psycho who was obssessed with a certain family.
hmmm...shazzie? what the fuck are trying to do?
do you have a shrine for us made out of used paper and cardboards?
that would rock.
click here to visit her blog
dude, if u want to put entries of other people...can u at least make your blog look pretty.
ladollyvita at 11:53 PM
nora - jentayu
jentayu
patah sayap bertongkat paruh
jentayu
patah paruh bertongkat siku
jentayu
patah siku bertongkat dagu
jentayu
patah dagu bertongkat kuku
i love this old song.
and i think i have found my savior. hmm.
;)
ladollyvita at 1:11 PM
its raining.
the birds are chirping in my balcony.
and im listening to Al Green.
today,
is a beautiful day.
you make me feel so brand new
ladollyvita at 4:52 PM
i think i accidentally blurted out something i shouldnt have.
is it truly a dark, dark secret?
im not sure.
but i blurted it out. accidentally.
just the tip of it. and its harmless if you dont know anything else other than that.
so yeah...dont worry. dont worry.
im sorry man.
at late night i am like a brave drunk man.
ladollyvita at 12:47 PM
busted by cops playing the good cop and bad cop roles.
badcop: Can you take out everything in your bag.
goodcop: (smile, smile, smile)
badcop: what about you...take out everything in your pockets.
me: i have no pockets.
badcop: (holding a i-dont-fucking-believe-you-little-girl-look)
me: i do not have pockets. (stood up)
badcop: ICs.
goodcop: (hehe)
badcop: only 3 more months left (looking at my IC)
me: (huh? aper sak yg 3mths left? im going to die in 3mths?)
badcop: ah..wait till ur 18 then you can smoke all you want...3mths only.
me: ? (dude...you're not that smart eh)
goodcop: erm...so..heheh...you guys are from nanyang poly right? heheh
us: (sembarang sembarang ar dekni???)
goodcop: heheh...having exams right now right?
fart: erm...yah.....
goodcop: heheh..okay...heheh...(flirting with fart)
badcop: do you know that i can saman you right now. do you know what im going to do? (counting sticks in all 3 packs)
me: okay. you can take it away.
badcop: but i wont...i will just give a warning but the second time i catch you smoking, im going to saman you. keep it now before i change my mind.
they went off. we laughed. and im turning 18 in three months.
we smoke again.
10mins passed.
we saw the police car from afar.
they stopped in front the block and looked at us from the car.
fuck. no wonder you counted our sticks.
we slowly walked away and disappear...
then smoked again.
ladollyvita at 12:14 PM
ladollyvita at 4:48 PM
erm..
i think i talk too much.
hurhur.
ladollyvita at 3:16 PM
july is coming.
changes.
new friends. new routines. new environment. new everything.
back to square one. again. and again. and again.
new straight boyfriend? hmmm...
...definitely.
i want the one standing over there. and the one with that shirt. and that one there with specs. and that other one in faded jeans. and the one there with the cap. and...and...hmmm....what about you?
ladollyvita at 4:13 PM
this is Bee Gees, Andy Gibb
this is a MUST HAVE Boy George tee.HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
this show cracks me up
everybody loves this. dont deny.
ladollyvita at 3:16 PM
get me those and i'll love you forever and ever
ladollyvita at 12:43 PM
woke up early today due to the fact that
momster is home.
mother's day is coming.
ladollyvita at 12:39 PM
just one of those random shit days.
disgusting thoughts left undone.
scented candlesticks
of summer hill and rain,
reminded me of the
strolls we had,
with your hands
around my waist,
under your favourite
black umbrella.
pictures of you and me
hanged on pink hued walls,
played like old music videos
of sappy love songs.
ladollyvita at 2:47 PM
argh. bad dream. bad dream. bad dream. argh. why must it be you. you. you. i hate you. you faggotwhore. go away. go away qin. please.
faggotwhore: i miss you elly.
littleme: don't fucking touch me.
that was the conversation i had with him in my dream.
we said the same thing over and over again.
repetition.
how annoying.
why cant that be one of those dreams where you wake up but you have no idea what you just dreamt.
erase and rewind
ladollyvita at 12:08 PM
it is still a saturday and i am still at home darling.
311 made a cover of the song 'love song' by the cure.
they did great. it sounds just freakin sexxxy now.
i like. i like. i like.
seriously, its freakin sexxxy.
im biting my lower lip, listening to the sounds of guitars.
hot hot hot hot.
the sound of guitars are sexy.
guitars are just plain sexy.
sexy sexy sexy naughty naughty naughty
hah. such anticlimax.
ladollyvita at 5:19 PM
good morning heartache. you're like an old friend, come see me again.
im starting to dread weekends but heart weekdays instead.
i woke up this morning with you in my head. i must have been watching too much of that 'kumar' advertisement. hah.
but luckily my phone beeped.my savior.
ladollyvita at 12:04 PM
shasha: kakak elly, why do you always laugh at me?
me: hahahhahahaha...because you are just plain silly, sha.hahahaha
shasha: you are mean...
me: hahah...silly, silly girl.
shasha: and how do you pronounce that word on your shirt?
me: what word?
shasha: w-h-o-r-e...do you pronounce it as 'ho'?
me: (in extreme state of hysteria) erm...
shasha: i thought its pronounced as 'wore'
me: erm...its pronounced as 'whoa'...you know like "whoa nelly!"...erm like...erm...whoa..means wow...yeap yeap.its pronounced as 'whoa'.
phew. that was a close one.
ladollyvita at 11:12 PM
The OC last night. dont you just want to undress Seth with your eyes?
hurhurhur.
my mom says, "Marissa is a bitch who doesn't know how to make up her mind. i dont like her."
me too, ma.
i have managed to secure my other old online journals with passcodes. it is now impossible for anyone in the world to stumble upon them.yay.
ive been reading blogs lately. and i wonder if anyone actually speak as how they write. cos i dont. and i dont know why. its like the voice in my head is a whole different someone compared to the voice i speak. they sound different but they came from the same mind. do you get me?
hmm..that sounded logical only in my head.
im off to teach the kids now.
her exam has begun. i am now a worry wart for her.
please. please do not screw up cos if you do then i know ive failed.
wish us luck (=
ladollyvita at 6:15 PM
i am now officially married to Nick Valensi.
click the freaking mouse here to see pictures of him that will make you drool like me
ladollyvita at 5:08 PM
i woke up today, fresh and wide-eyed.
sat on the bed and farted.
ladollyvita at 12:37 PM
im not so happy today.
ladollyvita at 11:50 PM
i was reading cleo and lydia's sister is in it. shes more gorgeous in reality than in a photograph. but still gorgeous.
oh beautiful people.
OC tonight. Seth is my new boyfriend.oh shuddup.
i was at the kitchen sink washing dishes when this came to mind,
if i was given a different name will i still be who i am today?
ladollyvita at 6:57 PM
watched The Rise of Hitler on cinemax last night.
hitler was played by a scrawny man trying so hard to look exactly like him.
it was amusing.
it would have been better in German.
and to those dead women who flirted with Hitler...
you are a disgrace to all women
not because he killed millions of people
but because he is just plain arghly and strange.
Hitler fell in love with his niece. incest. argh. bleargh.
never knew Hitler was -that- sick.
and he never really loved his wife.
she was just a rebound.
Hitler was a strange man.
and that little ugly moustache sums it all up.
watching that movie reminded me of the days i studied like fuck for the history paper. good ol` days. i say it as if it was ten years ago. hah. to me, yesterday is already a year old.
yes, i like to rush into being old and crippled.
ladollyvita at 5:37 PM
"i much prefered you walking away
i've been here
now i know what to say
im the king of yesterday."
jude - king of yesterday
you know sometimes i do think about you and it makes me angry all over again. but it would be only for a few seconds. yes. i am slowly recovering from the virtual battle i had with the voice in my head.
you're like a little girl trapped in a plastic suit of a fucking gayboy.
you fooled me good, little girl.
it's cool to fake romances.
ladollyvita at 3:19 PM
"How one walks through the world, the endless small adjustments of balance, is affected by the shifting weights of beautiful things." - Elaine Scarry
spent today with my BFFs. Best Friends Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever...
hah! doesnt that brings back childhood memories? hurhur.
so seriously, i spent today with lynox and fart. sat ard drinking and smoking till we got tipsy. haha.
laughing too much caused me to perspire profusely.
yes i love to exagerate.
today was yet another friggin hot day.
when it gets too hot i have this suspicious look drawn on my face.
makes me look stupid actually.
but hell...i was too bothered with the weather to even be bothered about trying to look good.
on the way home. this dark blurry image of a person called out my name and he was only a few steps away yet i dont know who he was.
why?
bcos miss elly here wasnt wearing any contacts or glasses.
so i looked at his direction and made an attempt to smile. but i knew my face showed a small girl who was confused about what smiling and frowning is all about. so i think i prolly looked as twisted as ever.
ah. such a turn off.
ladollyvita at 11:21 PM
well I had a million dollars but I, I'd spend it all
if I could find that hina and that sancho that she's found
well I'd pop a cap in sancho and I'd slap her down
i am having a great time reading and laughing aloud.
hahah. really.
my momster left dirty dishes in the sink like how she always do everyday
because she wants me to wash it. thats the only house work i do everyday. yeap. i am a lazy arse.
i havent gone out of the house for a few days now.
is it okay to go out today?
i better use traffic lights.
i am living on only five freakin dollars today.
and that includes transportation back and forth.
im angry with that old-wannabe-teenager-miang-gatal-person.
but lets just keep it a hush hush now.
im dying here man. show me the freakin money. you are making my eyes twitch.
grr.
ladollyvita at 2:19 PM
you know...
there is a reason why this:
You should approve this request only if you really are friends with -----
..is placed in bold and in red on friendster.
you are suppose to add people you actually know for real.
so my point is...
you cant just want to add that person on friendster just bcos you want to aim for 200 contacts to appear on your pathetic page.
listening to the cure - love song (acoustic)
i love acoustic versions.
i think 311 made a cover of it. i think.
ladollyvita at 12:08 PM
last night's lesson:
contentment is the meaning of life.
went back home singing to the Bee Gee's - how deep is your love aloud with my mom in a jerking taxi.it was on the radio.heh.
i am now pissed off with my stupidity.
i wanted to have toasted bread.
so i placed the bread in the toaster and set the timer for two minutes then i went off.
i came back and the bread was still not toasted.
so i put it for four minutes. then i went off.
i came back again and it was still not toasted.
so i put it for six minutes. then i went off.
i came back again and it was still not toasted.
and so i shouted "what the fuck is wrong with you you stoopid bread"
and then i realized,
the switch was off.
that was my day.
how was yours?
ladollyvita at 11:22 AM
i was reading a journal.
suddenly it hit me.
"is this who i think it is?"
and then i realized i am indeed the super the slow.
it took me that long to figure it out.
so it is his journal.
heh.
got you.
you're it.
ladollyvita at 8:09 PM
the queen ant is a whore
and i just killed another ten of her sex slaves today.
woooweeee
oh remember how i prefer pepsi rather than coke?
i still do.
but pepsi attracts a whole lot more ants than coke.
yeap. ive done my experiments.
i dont know whats with me and ants.
maybe bcos they friggin attacked my glass of pepsi when i was only away for two hours.
heh.
ladollyvita at 6:51 PM
oh secret admirer
when you're around
the autumn feels like summer
how come you're always
messing up with the weather?
im still hungry. can somebody feed me please. how about a spoonful of hot mash potatoes?
erm...i think i am totally freaked by gays.seriously.i dont think i can see kumar ever again.erm..yeap.
a new phobia arising.
this should be fun to watch.
ladollyvita at 6:26 PM
i have a habit of imagining alot of things.
what if one day i seriously start to believe my imagination is my reality?
that would suck wouldnt it.
im hungry again.
and to ze creature of ze night, hahahhahahahhaha...you are one fucking amusing son of a gun. you really should just come out at night cos your existence is pissing the fucking hell out of me ;)
if i was fat and scary i would have raped you and tormented your whole life. oh im sorry...you are already one tormented soul ooooooo...goth alert? fuck. ur not goth. ur just one sad living thing.
apologies for saying such.
but somehow its just annoying.
bleargh.
long forgotten memories pouncing on me from behind yet again.
run, elly, run.
ladollyvita at 3:33 PM
im so happy today. and yesterday. and the day before yesterday. and the day before before yesterday. and the day before before before yesterday.
hah.
ive been smiling for two weeks.
baybeats 2004. are you going?
ladollyvita at 7:07 PM
little crushes.
making me all nervous and clumsy.
bleargh.heh.
watched The Othe Sister last night.
for the 3rd time. such a feel good movie. sweet.
olive juice. hahaha. you will get that if you watched it.
Sleep with all the lights on.
You're not so happy.
You're not secure.
You're dying to look cute in your blue jeans,
but you're plastic just like everyone.
You're just like everyone.
And that face you paint is pressed
impressing most of us as permanent
and I'd like to see you undone.
library books. im way pass the date due.
ladollyvita at 2:20 PM
peterpan - mimpi yang sempurna
Mungkinkah bila ku bertanya
Pada bintang-bintang
Dan bila ku mulai merasa
bahasa kesunyian
Sadarkan aku yang berjalan
dalam kehampaan
Terdiam, terpana, terbata
Semua dalam keraguan
Aku dan semua yang terluka karena kita
Aku kan menghilang
dalam pekat malam
Lepas ku melayang
Biarlah ku bertanya
pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita
dalam mimpi yang sempurna
indonesian songs back on the list.
i enjoyed sheila on 7's concert last year in singapore. they so rock.
eros!!! aaaaaaaahhhhh *throws panties*
hahahahahahaha.
i kid. i kid.
you know what...
i wouldnt want to be an ant.
im estimating, at least a gazillion ants die in a day.
yeah. its tragic.
i killed ten today.
yeah.
ladollyvita at 8:27 PM
something is not right with this picture.
but i dont know what.
maybe its bcos im broke and extremely lethargic.
ladidailadidailalaladidailadidai~
everyone should listen to the libertines - the boy looked at johnny
so you can sing along with me =}
senyuman kemek. hurhur.
so should i take up psychology as a side course?
mandarin or french?
so many things i want to learn. is there going to be literature?
that would be dandy too.
this new chair is comfy. it makes me feel superior. and slightly taller. hahahaha.
hah!
oh shuddup.
ladollyvita at 7:15 PM
I'll describe the way I feel
You're my new Achilles heel
Can this savior be for real
Or are you just my seventh seal?
six people turned up for the reunion. i wanted to go but then again im waiting for my friggin pay.
cikkkk maaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
hrmph.
oh oh. apple juice makes my stomach squeezy. but i love it anyway.
so today i'll probably be in my room till the sun goes down.
draw.draw.draw.draw.
something i havent done for a long time.
drawing and listening to kickass music i just burn that day.
now that, my friend, is serenity to me.
sunday bloody sunday.
i hate sundays.
don't you?
ladollyvita at 1:54 PM
my sister and her friend were talking about this certain person.
and i found him.
*tada*
never knew.
oh how strange everything turned out to be.
one minute you're here and the next you're there.
i feel like im everywhere all at once.
its that weird feeling.
makes me feel so queer about myself.
kylie minouge is now in my ears.
boys boys wanna get freakin around wanna get down
yes. i am a poptart. hah!
havent talked to countz draculaz for quite a long time now. ze creature of ze night. BE GONE!
hurhurhur. that was an inside joke. so not everyone will think its funny. wonder what you're up to. oh im not referring to you (the boy in ns) i know ur nick is draculav. im referring to another person. HE IS ZE REALZ CREATURE OF ZE NIGHTZ.
muhahahahaha. joke of the month. lepak sak.
phew. ketawa byk sgt ar lynox.kelakar benar.its taunting.hhhhaaaahhhhaaahhhhaaahhhhaaaaa!!!
ok ok dah. lepak ar.
ladollyvita at 8:22 PM
erm.yikes.wow.erm.huh.haha.
an object of infatuation.how un-ellyness.hurhurhur.
high school crushes.heh.
im nail-less now. bit every nail on my finger. graceful arent i.
i want to catch the new ben stiller movie.it should be as kickass as meet the parents. ben stiller is cool.
did i even get his name right?
okay so i plan to get a sandal and a shoe. no heels. i hate the clicking of heels when you go up and down a flight of stairs. i'll be 20 and still without heels.hah.
browse through old shops and second hand things. cheap things are soooo in.
and a pair of jeans.
and popeyes!!! yeah...its been a damn long time since ive ate there. heat up the mash potatoes babeh. here i come.
hey little sorority girl dont you want to be my friend?
If you could be my punk rock princess I could be your garage band king.
my playlist is weird this week.
me: hello, im un-elly and my shoes are a size 4.
the members of victims of gay ex-boyfriends: hello un-elly
yeap yeap. im -dead- bored.
ladollyvita at 3:33 PM
shes nothing more than fiction.she dreams in digital cos its better than nothing.
i have simply nothing to do. why is rob zombie on my list. i dont know. rowr.
hurhurhur.
i was teaching the kid in the morning. i love talking to her although shes only eight. she makes me forget about time. which is good. teach teach teach talk talk talk laugh laugh laugh snap snap snap eat eat eat.
"kakak elly, do you know the names of different types of tornados?"
"dont ask me stoopid questions again, sha."
she asks me alot of stoopid questions that arent necessary.
oh how i wish im young and silly again.
there is this one question nobody ever answered me ever since i was six.
when you ride a taxi at night and the sky is clear, you can see the moon. and wherever the taxi goes the moon follows. and the taxi is moving fast. so why is the moon following as fast?
ladollyvita at 2:31 PM
saturday afternoon. home alone. broke.
the past few days, the hot weather was unwelcoming.
today is hot too.
im sweating bullets.
and to those of you who think im still down in the dumps bcos of the rafiqin massacre. haha...no im not -that- down. sheesh.
thats old news, my friend. old old old news.
so the sympathy is enough now. it gets plain annoying when people go on and on saying the same old thing. they fret about it more than i do.hah!
ladollyvita at 2:15 PM
the strange feeling is still lurking around. bleargh.
anyway,
i realized that i havent actually like a straight boy for a whole two years and more.
oh no offence iqin, you were a great boyfriend pretending to be straight. *smirks*
hurhurhur.
erm.ok.
me feeling weird has got nothing to do with the obvious reasons.
i just feel un-elly. very un-elly. thats all.
erm.ok.end.
ladollyvita at 9:55 AM
erm.
i feel strange today.
but i dont know why.
i cant put my finger on it.
i feel unusually uncomfortable.
i feel weird.
i feel un-elly.
very un-elly.
can someone tell me why?
erm.
this is not good.
too strange a feeling.
ladollyvita at 1:25 AM
im addicted to the libertines.
and i prefer pepsi rather than coke. is that normal?
ladollyvita at 1:52 PM
erm...did blogger change overnight or is it just me?
anyway~
gig at nyp today.going with my buddy lynox.kammy cant go out and fart hates gigs.so its just you and me babeh (=
eating toast bread with raspberry jam and butter. burnt toast bread. i didnt know 3minutes is -that- fast.hah.
burn a cd just now. happy happy songs. ladidailadidailalaladidailadidai~
oh crap. library book. due date is today. damn it.
kammy you're holding onto my five sticks beb. gaji lom masuk. jgn abiskan!!! i want it when i see you! rowr. hurhurhur.
cik mah...grr...show me the money.
so what shall i wear today?
ladollyvita at 1:13 PM
i was reading past entries.
so full of emotions.hah. now im looking at it from another angle. now it just looks funny and of cos disgusting.
and everybody will be like ''you were the one who fell in love with a fag, bear with the consequences."
haha.so true.
whats done is done elly. takdir kata org.
mr gb, you are such a load of bull. but im worried abt you. if u r 30, unmarried and still gay. please go for regular blood checkups. you know...just in case. this isnt sarcasm. im serious.
anyway,
ive been reading a bunch of blogs. some containing gorgeous self potraits and an infestation of good looking people caught on camera. how delightful.
good looking boys make me nervous. really, nervous.
im not shallow~ just bcos i like good looking boys. tell me you dont? hah! liar.
but i'll stick to my search. go for a scrawny boy who wears ringers and who plays the guitar. oh and i'll add in straight as well. hurhurhur.
ringers. dont they just look plain gorgeous in it. yea.
honestly,
im not looking for boys.im looking for new people to hang out with so i can tell my whole life story all over again. hurhurhur.
snowing glass balls with glitters are pretty. it makes me smile.
ladollyvita at 6:48 PM
polaroids are cool.
i wish i have one.
ladollyvita at 5:26 PM
its a very very mad world.
i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which im dying are the best i ever had.
i find it hard to tell you
i find it hard to take
people running in circles
its a very very mad world. mad world.
gary jules - mad world
ladollyvita at 5:23 PM
today i rolled around the hall in this new chair.haha. no this isnt a joke =|
yea.it was fun.
until i fell.
hahahhahahahhahahahhahahahah.
oh well. what a day.
teaching the kids later tonight.sort of missed them for awhile.
ladollyvita at 5:15 PM
so i surrendered to stupidity and had maggi mee.
hurhurhur.
and...
cute boys bring down my self esteem to below zilch.
it is more difficult than i thought.
dont mind me. im just thinking.
ladollyvita at 5:07 PM
mad world.
ladollyvita at 4:36 PM
everybody go...ladidailadidailalalaladidailadidailalalaladidai~
hungry hippo.
im hungry.
i like eggs.
there are no more eggs.
maggi mee makes me stupid.
and i cant cook a decent meal.
well maybe just poisioned spaghetti. done that.
ladollyvita at 4:34 PM
everyday is a brand new day.
yes im feeling positive. so do you feel it ?
my mom bought a new comp chair. kerusi boss. best.
ladollyvita at 2:11 PM
so i sent my enrolment forms today at tp.
yea...school is starting soon.
the kids are having exams.
i havent got my pay.
cik mah, pls eh pls give me my money by this week. dont be evil.
free gig at nyp.
be there or be square.
ladollyvita at 7:08 PM
this stoopid computer is bloody slow. can you please be a little faster than this you dumb old son of a gun computer. my stammering doctor talks faster than how you fuckin function. so move it bitch!
ladollyvita at 11:22 AM
alright so my computer works now. the old one. oh well...
things have been going fine for now. been killing alot of ants lately.hurhurhur.
so im going to TP, business logistics and operations/marketing. even though i got my appeal at SP which is business admin. i realized that i am truly a lazy ass and i will probably be late everyday so i might as well take the one that is near to my place. so even if i am late...i wouldnt be -that- late.
yes. colour me clever.
ladollyvita at 11:06 AM
and some boys just shouldnt be so shy.heh. [hint hint to that person over there]
im busting your self esteem babe. ;)
ladollyvita at 5:57 PM
my crappy computer crashed. im at lyn's house now.
im so left out without internet.hurhurhur. went to a mini gig last night. it was okay. actually came to see izad play but then again i had work.
yes, i am a working woman. ooooooOOoOooOoOOoOooo.
was a working woman. i have to stop because i have to teach the kids. oh well.
im feeling better.
i need you but i dont want you anymore. bluek. im showing you my finger.
i'll be shopping this week. shoes. clothes. cheap cds. second hand shit. and cigarettes.
im smoking the thoughts of us away. go away awful person.
ladollyvita at 5:44 PM
and i cant describe theres something about the way you look tonight took my breath away
today im extra silly.
i brought along my discman but i forgot to put in a cd and i didnt realize it and i was knocking my discman a dozen times.
hah.
hmmm...
i feel better as days go by.
dont you think so too?
cewek kesepian...tapi nggak mengapa ya...bisa sentiasa bahagia tanpa cowok.
hurhurhur.
ladollyvita at 12:41 AM
a boy said he likes me after reading my blog.
dude, you dont like me...you like the voice in my head ;)
i want to go to bed
with roses and butterfiles
and man-made hearts
made out of styrofoam
and paper.
i want to be an illusion
in a little boy's eyes
and ride on fluffy clouds
made out of wool
and fur.
i want to be like the rain,
falling on that boy's head
and drench him wet
with love and devotion
as he stood there in the rain
under a silly girl's window.
just another thought.
ladollyvita at 12:44 AM
stoopid computer. its crashing.
im having fun working.
=D
smile smile smmmmelllll.
i spoke indonesian and mandarin today.
yi tian tian uh.
hah.
people are funny.
they amuse me in every way possible.
i love it.
ladollyvita at 12:14 AM
so i worked today.
an old security gaurd was flirting with me. bleargh.
and the mama jual kacang also.
i cannot atttract normal people. why god why.
hurhurhur.
im going to read a book before i go to bed. lost paradise. classic literature. oooooooooooooooo
yes...im hallucinating my intellectuality.
medical check up tomorrow. urine test...man..i dont like that.
expired contacts are causing my eyes to itch. oh oh.
as you can see..i have simply nothing to talk about so thats why im jumping from one thing to another. maybe next week when i get the money...then theres something to talk about.
alright. i might not update this for awhile due to the fact that i just got nothing left to say.
ladollyvita at 12:19 AM
its passed midnight.
the impossible call didnt ring.
and here i am. waiting.
i give up trying to get hold of you.
i guess im tired now.
but i'll still wait.
for that one impossible call.
just one.
breathing. aloud.
i have also stopped reading his boyfriend's journal.
this is it.
you won, qin.
i'll leave with a good impression. here are my last words. no more about you in future entries anymore.
although i hate you for cheating on me. i love you all the same.
you and him. him and you. if its what we call 'true love' then i guess, enjoy as long as it last.
couples last longer when they were best friends first.
i'll put aside you and him being gay. love is love. and lets just leave it at that.
enjoy.
sigh.
ladollyvita at 12:42 AM
it has been a long day. dont you think so?
waiting for an impossible call. as quoted...'fat chance'
tonight i will officially make my last attempt.
and if i fail, like how i always do. then i guess this is just the way it is.
look at my playlist. pathetic isnt it. yeap. i am at the very top of patheticness today.
qin,
if you are reading this. dont tell me im emotionally pathetic because it is already known to the world. dont tell me im overreacting. dont tell me ''its not the end of the world.'' i obviously know that. you just messed up my world and left. that is how it is now. there is nobody else to blame for my heartaches. dont tell me that i have to blame myself. blame myself for what? for actually dote on you like hell? blame myself for 'loving' you? why should i blame myself when i know i did nothing wrong.
i have so many things to say to you. so many stories to tell you. so much tears to show you.
i still dont understand why you did what you did. am i really -that- bad, qin? am i?
i dont have to pretend that i am doing fine right now. im not you, so good in pretending.
i am struggling to even get out of bed in the morning. struggling to look people in the eye when i talk to them. struggling to fucking stop crying. struggling to sleep. struggling to even fucking breathe.
i feel so used. you stole my whole entire world and left me with nothing.
rurhlex elly.
i'll just wait here quietly. for that impossible call. if it doesnt ring today, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. i'll still wait.
quietly. secretly. like how i used to do.
wait for you to tell me that i actually meant something to you for a certain while.
rafiqin...rafiqin...rafiqin...
you have no idea what sadness is do you?
maybe one day, when retribution comes knocking on your door. then maybe you might finally know true heartache and sadness. then maybe you might finally see tears running down from your very own eyes. in case you wouldnt know what its called, the process is called crying.
god was rubbing it in my face today, i saw people wearing a shirt that says 'love hurts'.
oh well. love doesnt hurt. love is love and hurt is hurt. its a whole seperate issue actually. if someone really loves you that much, he wont let anything hurt you and he will treat you preciously. and if you feel so hurt, its not love...its just hurt.
love is a wonderful feeling. like a temporary fairy tale just perfect in your eyes. even if everything around you is crashing down...you wouldnt care because you know he wont let anything crash down on you. yea...i wish i had that.
im just day dreaming. apologies for mushyness.
oh how i wish this wouldnt have happened.
the ending...it is -that- bad.
im not in love with the gay you.
im in love with the you who once loved me, maybe you loved me for about five days out of four months.
im in love with the you who held me close that day on your bed when you were sick and i ran all the way to see you. haha.i did.
the you who is long gone and im just holding on to an illusion.
im sorry im taking too long to let go.
im just hurt. thats all.
ladollyvita at 8:53 PM
this is my last attempt to get you on the phone to tell me whats going on. i'll call you tonight and if i still cant get through the phone then i guess i should stop. honest. this is my last try.
i went out today.
it has been a sad day today.
today.yesterday.tomorrow.
its all going to be just another sad day passing by.
enough said.
ladollyvita at 6:23 PM
hold your breath, say no more
you've spent the last few hours
condemning what I said
what did I say?
but I save the best for you
no matter what you think is true
and now seven demons are riding on my back
i kept on accidentally bite on my tongue last night. damn you who are talking about me.
ladollyvita at 11:13 AM
woke up at 9am. due to some undisclosed reasons.
i got an email from a boy who wants me to write a poem for him. dude...i dont even know you...write a poem FOR you? about you? to you? what?
i only write 'poems' for special people. its all in the emotions darling. if i dont feel for you, i cant write it. i just cant. sorry sir.
or do you mean for me to write anything and just email it to you?
-that- i can do. but in the end it would just be about him. and it would be a tearjerker. heh. so i rather not.
i think my finger is infested. crab.
it must have been that crab. i was eating it and then its claws pierced into my finger and cut my finger.
and now the skin on my finger just keep on peeling.
oh i almost forgot...i just got a cd yesterday. im going to burn new songs now. yay. im happy today because i can do that today.
heh. for now, the slightest bit of anything makes me happy. at least i try to be happy. with or without you.
ladollyvita at 10:31 AM
sympathy scores.
i got a few emails from some people i know and some i dont know. they were telling me how everything will be alright and that it is a really sad story and they are sorry.
hah...i am sorry too.
thank you people. you deserve a cookie for that. seriously, thank you.
you guys actually read what i write...hah.
there is nothing much to do but to fret about it for awhile.
today wasnt that bad. my friends were there.
the sleeping part is just hard to bear.
you have been ignoring my every attempt to get words out of you. my every attempt to kick your little gay ass.
alright qin...if im bothering you that much. i'll stop now.
.
i wonder how it feels to be you. it would be great to be you, minus the gay part. cos then maybe i wont cry.
ladollyvita at 11:41 PM
fours days gone. still feel the same but i am trying. yes i am trying.
so my mom is home today. i was hoping i can have the house all to myself. playing good music aloud. running around the house. shout. i'll do that tomorrow i guess.
i need new earrings. and im going to pierce my ears again. another hole for being in another shithole. thought of piercing my belly button. maybe next time.
campbell soup did brought down my flu. thank you for that mister izzat.
i want to go out today. to the library. but the public scares me now.
the only thing that cracks me up is spongebob. yes. i still laugh aloud watching cartoons.
there is nothing much to talk about really. so i'll just get back to what i was doing before which is nothing and you just go back to where you were before.
cheerios.
ladollyvita at 2:17 PM
looky here.
the curtains are down. night time is here. the ritual of crying til six in the morning is here. no, i dont force myself to cry. its au natural~. i just cant stop. because i never felt like this before.
it hurts too much. just too fucking much. why cant i control this.
been thinking abt you.
day and night. every day. every night. all the time. just now. now. later.
you won again.
how unfair. when is it my turn to screw your life like fuck and eat your heart?
its embarassing. its ashame. its humiliating. its inhuman.
images of you and him together are scaring me even when im awake and mostly when i want to sleep.
and then here i am. again. on the floor beside my bed with my head in my hands, i just sit down and cry.
while you are there. on my bed, under the blankets with him.
things just cant get any worse than this. can it?
i am warning you people who are reading my heartfelt entries, there will be alot of use of the words 'sad' 'life' 'gay' 'cry' and 'love' in my future entries. so get use to it or dont read. my stories are all the same. they're all about him.
why do i love you still.
ladollyvita at 11:54 PM
it is still a sunday. so many things are on my mind. so many things of the same person.
biting nails and peeling skin on fingers and toes. not even realizing its bleeding after an hour passed. go away awful thoughts. go away and let me be.
why do i sound like nur? hahah. this is sad. haizzzzz....(sound familiar? hahahhahah)
im just awfully sad. its undescribable. tubs of mash potatoes wont even make me smile and no cute boys will make me drool. just sitting here. typing entry after entry trying so god damn hard to not fucking cry but i know i cant. cursing you, loving you, hating you...they're all the same feeling. just plain fucking sad.
i dont care if im immature or sound so bloody emotional. at least im straight. heh.
for every last bruise you gave me
for every time i sat in tears
for the million ways you hurt me
i just want to tell you this
you broke my world
the next line is "make me strong"
not now im not. maybe in a few months time. maybe.
elly elly elly...look at what you got yourself into...the same shithole you were in just a few months back, caused by the same person...please eh elly please fucking wake up please.
cry me a river.
cos i cried a river over you.
no that is not a song by justin. its an old jazz song. i forgot who sang it.
yadda yadda yadda...elly cries...same old same old.
if i am still bitter after 6mths. then something must be wrong.
going out of the house is like volunteering to be run down by a bus.
i dont want to go out. i dont want to look at people. i hate people.
but i must. life goes on...so i have to move with it. dont want to be left behind in this cruel gay infested world.
everyone just looks gay now.
think happy thoughts elly. happy thoughts. nobody is gay. its just your mind playing tricks on you. not everyone wants to stab you in the back...(or scratch your eyeballs from behind.hurhurhur). everyone have their own misery to attend to so you are not any fucking different from everyone else. elly, it is over. it is just the way it is now.
it is just the way it is.
breathe dear. breathe. and rurhlex.
oh why must you do me like that.
the pain you gave me is tremendously painful...i never felt so low before.
ladollyvita at 9:48 PM
sunday is passing by rather slower than past sundays.
the angry phase is subsiding. but the sad phase is coming up. the cycle will go on and on.
you didnt want to meet me because you dont want to dump me? is that right?
in other words, that means, "i dont want to dump you because i want to keep on pretending i love you because it just kicks the shit out me."
bad sunday.
closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. the tears just wont stop. hoping so much that when i open my eyes the whole world will just crash right before my eyes.
i left you before you left me. but leaving you was already fucking painful. but you wouldnt know cos you dont fucking give a damn. i didnt even want to leave you. but soon enough the whole paranoia revealed to be upsettingly true. so i guess it wasnt my mistake.
i never felt so much pain before. this is new. this feeling of my insides being squeezed by a big dumb gorrilla.heh.
i feel lower than dirt. and everybody is just dancing on my face. i will go on and on. endless rantings of the same old story and emotions that is sucking on my every blood. i look like trash now. oh the horror, the horror.
being good and kind gets you nowhere nowadays uh. sincerety is suspicious and honesty is an illusion. love is obviously blind and again. to love is to hate. oh well...
im going out tomorrow to do some reading and writing. and maybe killing, if i have the time.
ladollyvita at 8:30 PM
some people will work things out...and some just dont know how to change.
there are ways in feeling good, elly.
stop reading that blog. just stop fucking reading it you stupid girl.
forget about trying to get words out of your gay fuck.
just get on with your mundane life and just let it all pass you by.
breathe.
i guess he just enjoys denying the painful truth.
im still hurt. as much as before. days never pass me by without him in my head. night and day. the days arent so bad. but when the stars start to spread throughout the dark sky, thats when it all hurts the most. i try. everyday to smile and laugh this off. but it just happened. so its more difficult than me trying to choke on seeds. i try and i am still trying.
crying, like theres no tomorrow. so fucking emotional. what the fuck, elly. get a hold of yourself.
singing my life away with the beatles songs. watching spongebob was the only thing that made me laugh today. entertaining myself with my new handphone. counting breaths. oh well...move on, elly, you are boring all of us with your unnecessary everyday things.
why do you even bother to come here and read what i have to say, qin?
is it because you want to mock me and laugh. so god damn happy that you acted so fucking well.
well...i have to admit it...you got me good, boy, you got me good.
scrub...scrub...scrub...away memories of you and me. i dont need it anymore. forget about everything i say or write to you or for you...i dont mean it anymore. wash...wash...wash away pictures of you and me. scrub...scrub...scrub...away the places you touched. sweep...sweep...sweep away the broken bits of the world that i offered you. wipe...wipe..wipe...away these tears that just wont stop.
i know somebody and they called your name.
a million times and still you never came.
they go on loving you just the same, I know that somebody's trying.
i bet you never even know they do, but somebody's crying.
i am a girl afterall. so fucking emotional...its disgusting.
ladollyvita at 2:05 PM
look at that.
"i didnt cheat on you nor did i did anything behind your back"
look at that.
"be wary of the frivolous"
look at that.
"scartch your eyeball from the back."
look at that.
lets play a guessing game...who is lying?
a) my gay ex boyfriend
b) my gay ex boyfriend's lover
c) my gay ex boyfriend and his lover
qin...
how can you be so numb? even your boyfriend apologized to me. but you, you just always think you are always right. that ego. that 'oh how i dont care about the world because im just plain gay and stylish' attitude.
like always...you did nothing wrong..."my assumption took center stage"? what the fucking hell was that? you fuck a guy way before i assume anything...and you did things with him way before i assume anything. your gayness have been on stage way before you met me.
humour me and tell me more lies darling.
scratch my eyeballs from behind? hahahahahhaha~
i dont understand how you can deny this and how you cannot feel at least a bite of sadness or sorryness.
look at you, strutting your gay ass to the world pretending you are strong and so full of yourself that being sad is just foreign to you.
why do you have to do this to me, qin.
leading me on to believe that we were both in love.
using me like im some kind of cover up for your gay self.
pretending to love me when you dont.
and you tell me not to curse you for the heartaches?
who else should i curse?
the men who always see me cry under the block with ciggerette buds all over the place?
should i blame him instead?
or that boy who stood in the rain under my window, pretending to love me?
i guess im sorry, qin.
sorry to love you.
sorry to be such an irritant in your ever so gay life.
sorry to care for you.
sorry to try so hard to make this disgusting pain go away.
sorry to curse you for cheating on me for a boy.
sorry to even touch you.
sorry to try to give you anything you want.
sorry to cry.
ladollyvita at 1:30 PM
nick and jessica. newly weds. such a cute couple. makes me want to get married.
there is this one feeling when a boy cheats on you. nope. not anger, not sadness, not dissappointment.
the feeling of being ugly.
insecurity pounces on me for another long run.
yeah..oh well...
my world has stopped spinning for awhile. but its okay guys. i'll be okay. just have to clean up this mess. care to lend a hand?
sappy love songs suddenly sound so true. hah. yes im pathetic like that. heartaches. hah.
breathe. one. two. three. four. one. two. three. four.
ladollyvita at 9:52 PM
this is just one of those things that makes me stronger.
thank you, i guess.
ladollyvita at 4:37 PM
Do you have the time
to listen to me whine
about nothing and everything
all at once
i am one of those
melodramatic fools
neurotic to the bone
no doubt about it
----------------------------------------
if you see me walking down the street
and i start to cry each time we meet
walk on by
walk on by
make believe that you dont see the tears
just let me breathe in private
cos each time i see you
i breakdown and cry
walk on by
walk on by
walk on by
i just cant get over losing you
and so if i seem broken and blue
walk on by
walk on by
foolish pride
thats all that i have left
so let me hide the tears and the
sadness you gave me
when you said goodbye
walk on by
walk on by
walk on by
---------------------------------------- cheeby.
hah. oh well. i have a list of things to do and buy.
bad dreams. lazy saturday afternoon. music. flu. unsent love letters.
can you see that i am trying really hard to make myself feel better?
ladollyvita at 3:50 PM
To Rafiqin's boyfriend,
my dear, everything you said is true. everyone is right about that part where i knew of the things he had done yet i pursue the queer relationship. had done. had done. im just like you, i adore that whore. you should know that feeling where all his flaws became flawless once you're together. because thats what you have always wanted. thats what i always wanted (unfortunately). that is why i see beyond his gayness and eyeliner. because i love him, nur. i sincerely do. so i clinged onto the good things and flushed away all the bad things. that is what we all call positivity and stupidity.
wasting my time hating?
tell me what else am i suppose to do besides hating. move on? fuck, of cos im moving on. you know like, september eleven, where one thing happens and then it effects everything else. its called the ripple effect. like when you throw a stone into a pond. of cos i hate you and him. thats the only rational thing i could do. crying is done. its a cycle of emotions nur. i know you are human. i dont understand you. i dont understand myself. and you do not understand me. dont tell that you do. cos if you did this wouldnt have happened. nobody understands anybody, lets just leave it at that.
to hate you both. is the only way to fucking let go. yes life is a bitch, that is general knowledge. so sometimes you just got to smack that bitch. you cant just say, "oh he used me. oh well, life is a bitch. end." thats not human. humans fret on things. everything i say is just a matter of reacting at the very moment. on impulse as you may put it. it will fade soon enough...so dont worry, i wont curse you till the end of time.
what i say about him praying etc. thats my reaction at the very moment. do you get me so far?
i am angry. bitter. sore. all those stoopid fucking emotions. and i dont know why you are angry as well? are you angry because im cursing your boyfriend? angry im cursing you? angry that i havent let go?
sayang, it just happened, how can i let go so easily. i never said that i knew everything. please dont assume such a statement.
it all comes down to the fact that i love him. and he loved me at least for awhile. like everyone else, im angry that i didnt get what i want. what if this happens to you, are you telling me that you wont be in my state at all?
imagine this,
you both are already boyfriends and suddenly i came along and then he fell in love with me and ignored you and your utter devotion for him.
you wouldnt know how it feels because it didnt happen. so you see my point is, experiences or whatever that you have will never put you in the place where you know how it exactly feels unless you are facing the exact same thing.
one thing is for sure, months and years will pass me by, and i will still be sore.
i didnt let him go earlier because i trusted you and him. i trusted that he wouldnt do such a thing. and i trusted you because i already considered you as a friend. i trusted the both of you that you guys arent that evil to rip my heart out and then step on it till it becomes one with the dirty ground.
i know you are sorry. cos i know you're not -that- evil. and sure you have feelings too.
it is funny if you look at it from a certain view. sad at another view.
i am trying really hard to feel better. since im done cursing you and him. im flushing down every bad bit there is abt what you guys did to me. i'll cling on to the good things abt you and him, so as to make-believe that it didnt end as bad as i thought.
im only human nur. just like you. but he, he is just ice cold. he didnt call. he didnt explain. maybe if he said, "elly we were not meant to be. i loved you. i did. but now i love nur, he was the one that i have always truly cared about. im sorry elly, i didnt mean to tear you apart."
well i guess you guys were meant to be or something like that. enjoy. you're in the astral plane now.
ladollyvita at 2:15 PM
//system of a down - the metro
I'm alone
Sitting with my empty glass
My four walls
Follow me through my past
I was on a Paris train
I emerged in London rain
And you were waiting there
Swimming through apologies
I remember searching for the perfect words
I was hoping you might change your mind
I remember a soldier sleeping next to me
Riding on The Metro
I was smiling as you took my hand
So removed
We spoke in France
Minutes passed with shallow words
Years have passed and still the hurt
Minutes passed with shallow words
Years have passed and still the hurt
I can see you now
Smiling as you pulled away
Sorry
I remember the letter wrinkled in my hand
"I'll love you always" filled my eyes
I remember a night we walked along the seine
Riding on The Metro
I remember a feeling coming over me
The soldier turned, then looked away
I remember hating you for loving me
Riding on The Metro
ladollyvita at 10:18 PM
i heart photoshop. it got my feelings in ink.
ladollyvita at 9:19 PM
ladollyvita at 9:17 PM
ladollyvita at 9:16 PM
i feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel way better now. damn right i do. fuck all you confused youths.
why im happy? went shopping today~ well its a start.
and listening to good music.
i got two pairs of shoes, mango shirt and a handphone.
and i'll be working next week.
and my mind will be occupied. oh well. ive been in this state before, caused by the same ol person. but now it hurts more. but nvm. it was expected. so lets talk abt something else shall we?
photoshop rocks. it takes away all my pain. so yeah..the trick to feeling dandy is to listen to good music and go play around with photoshop. and counting breaths help too. hah.
ladollyvita at 5:30 PM
been playing with photoshop. i feel better now. life goes on. fuck you and you too.
photoshop makes me feel better. how strange.
ladollyvita at 11:14 AM
ladollyvita at 10:27 AM
it would be a lie to tell you im doing fine. i am not.
now i shall pretend that i actually meant something to you.
i shall pretend you're sorry.
Once again we've gone off track
and lost all hope for coming back.
this is a public service announcement.
dont you cry tonight.
please remember that i never lied to you, honey. please remember how i felt inside.
i'll feel better soon. feeding on the misery that you will tatse soon.
ladollyvita at 9:37 AM
oh well. tragic isnt it. a twisted tragic story.
guess whats worse than your boyfriend cheating on you for another woman?
your boyfriend cheating on you for another man.
i just found out. this will take me awhile to comprehend and analyze these words,
trust.
love.
paranoia.
loyalty.
love.
love.
love.
love.
dont tell me you know how i feel. how can someone who is not blind, understand and feel someone who is blind? its never possible. unless you are blind too, then you will know how a blind man really feels. so only alvidah should know this disgusting feeling i have.
this is an embarassing situation. tragic. yet humiliating. i will go on and on about the amount of trust ive wasted on these two people.
rafiqin, no wonder you looked pale after reading that note i gave you on valentines day. because you know damn well how much i trusted and loved you. all those words, they have meanings and i meant it all. when i said i love you its not because i just want to say it, its because i always do. but when you say it, its because you just want to have a great laugh in the end.
paranoid? you dare to tell me im paranoid? FUCK YOU, YOU FAGGOT BONER.
you know it wasnt my paranoia. you know i was right. my senses. it was true.
nothing will change anything now. even if i curse you, spit at you, cry in front of you, beat the living crap out of your gay ass. nothing will. dont bother to do prayers qin, you're just going to be in deeper hell. cik kak, bulan puasa tak payah puasa..tak payah nak buat baik...tak payah pergi belajar ugama...tak guna qin. tak guna terus.
i didnt want you back. but you came back under my fucking window in the fucking rain. telling me all the shit that you really like me. it was just one of those shows. and naively and pathetically i believed every word you said. then came the twisted part, you got bored of me. you simply did. so you went for your best friend, your lover, your gay lover.
cry.cry.cry.cry.cry.
have you ever cried before qin? do you know how to cry?
i made a song though, i'll play it for you one day. its called
my ex-boyfriend is gay and he cheated on me for his best friend. nope. im not kidding. its a really cute song. fucking bastard.
just emotions. they're just swirling around me now. you cant blame me for this immature entry, i just found out he cheated on me for another boy. have a sense of sympathy for me, please.
ladollyvita at 8:43 AM
i left someone i really love so much because another boy who is his best friend loves him as much.
then later on, i found out that during the time i was with him, he done stuff with his best friend. that bastard cheated on me.
and thats why, ladies and gentlement, my ex-boyfriend feels no sense of remorse or loss or regret when i said im leaving him because he fell in love with his best friend and again, just used me.
its 8am now. i cant sleep because im too fucking pissed off.
this is a moment where i will never ever forget. the moment where i lose trust in any other person. the moment where i begin to hate all of you who are confused with your sexuality. the moment where love is just a load of bullshit.
ladollyvita at 7:59 AM
ladollyvita at 6:02 PM
stranded and still in love.
been there, done that.
its okay. love and lost. it comes in a package. but i take back what i said about 'forever is impossible'. cos its not.
there is no right choices. every choice made is both wrong and right because there is so many angles to look at it.
there is no turning behind? there is. he did that. and i did that. we came together out of the fact that we both turned behind and refreshed and restart.
i am not making you feel guilty dear. its all just honesty. i am never sure about anything. but i have to start somewhere.
im leaving him because he is like a stranger around me now. i can see that the 'longing' is gone. you know how humans get bored with something so easily. its okay.
crying wont help...yeap...and you tell that to yourself too.
this is my final cry. no more alarms and no surprises please.
please tell him for me, that i wasnt kidding when i said im leaving.
oh and happy april fools. what a long day. hahah...and all the things i said are not april fools jokes. haha.
now -that- was funny.
ladollyvita at 3:37 PM
will he be there
if the rain starts to fall
and if i stand
by my window
smoking him away.
no he wont.
sometimes. you just cant have it all to yourself. and sometimes. the only option is to leave. oh well.
im down with flu and fever.
my mom dreamt i got married and she says that it means something bad. not good.
retribution. is it for me or you? i got a taste of mine. why dont you and you have a spoonful of it this time.
ladollyvita at 2:54 PM
Karma
Sekian lama kita bersama
Ternyata kau juga
Sama saja
Kau kira ku percaya semua
S'gala tipu daya
Oh percuma
Kau buat sempurna awalnya
Berakhir bencana
Selamat tinggal sayang...
Bila umur ku panjang
Kelak ku 'kan datang
'Tuk buktikan satu balas 'kan kau jelang
Jangan menangis sayang
Ku ingin kau rasakan pahitnya terbuang
Sia-sia, memang kau pantas dapatkan
Akhirnya, usai sudah semua
Ku dapat tertawa
Bahagia
S'lalu tampak indah awalnya
Berakhir bencana
Kekal
Tidak percaya
Dan pernah aku menduga
Kasih terpisah
Dalam sekelip mata
i still love you, you should know that. but im leaving you because three is a crowd and one of us just have to sacrifice. so i did that. i had a great time with you though. a wonderful time. im sparing you the burden. at first i wouldnt care but now i do. and i dont wish to hate anyone.
my friend, i enjoy spending time with you but you love him so much...i can sense the intensity. so im letting go. i love him so much. yes, im leaving him partly because of you. but i dont blame you. it was his lack of loyalty and commitment.
what is the use of a relationship when friendship is not even there. even in friendships you have trust and loyalty. i wanted to be your friend, not only your girlfriend. i wanted you to come to me when you're in trouble or when you have problems. but you keep on hiding. i am simply not kidding when i say im leaving you dear. expect no more calls and smses and emails. i'll secretly adore you like how i always do since january last year. you have changed so much i no longer know you at all.
im leaving you at the bus stop this time, lover.
goodbye my favourite person.
ladollyvita at 1:07 PM
