it is still a fucking sunday.
he called me today. as usual. 5mins flat cos he was at work.
i want you undress.
can you stay a little longer.
im hoping you are free on saturday or sunday.
maybe we can catch a movie. ive been wanting to watch a movie. dont worry. we'll go dutch.
and maybe we can sit and talk for more than ten minutes.
and maybe we can get back on track to what we've missed.
but its all just maybes. cos u might be working.
oh well
...
erm...
ok im done.
ladollyvita at 7:55 PM
sunday blunday. dont we all hate sundays.
my parents are going to perth this friday morning. thought of spending some quality time with my favourite person. but he is too busy with his own life. so i guess its just me and myself.
going to school tomorrow to pay my debt to marz, to give a book to miss saadon and to watch the drama audition thing.
i think i want a pet. a cat. to beat my boredom and loneliness.
haha. yes i am pathetic like that. hurhurhurhur. bleargh.
ladollyvita at 2:40 PM
lets see what i did today.
went to arab street with my family.
i miss him.
bought more beautiful lace and silk for the upcoming wedding.
i miss him.
the young good looking suresh who articulates every word he speaks is certainly a nice sight.
i miss him.
had lunch with my family.
i miss him.
went to town with my sister.
i miss him.
saw alot of cute guys.
i miss him.
churros was sold out today.
i miss him.
bought mushroom swiss.
i miss him.
just got back and my head is spinning.damn headache.
damn damn damn it. i miss him.
i know you are busy working. i know you want to rest at home when ur not working. but you are going out with everyone else but me. thats why im not at peace.
i know you have alot of friends and would like to go out with different people whether girls or boys or whatever sexual orientation. but you are going out with everything else but me.
yeap yeap. elly is so fucking emo.
no no no im not. you'll understand if u are a girl and you are 16 and you are attached.
ladollyvita at 11:16 PM
he called today.
only when he was about to go to work.
our conversations are now less than fifteen minutes.
only thing i'll ever ask of you, got to promise not to stop when i say when
ladollyvita at 12:59 PM
"im tired.call you tomorrow *muacks*"
anyway...
it is so difficult to make 8 choices. im still reading and pondering really hard.
ooh la la la
hello
im waiting here for you
everlong
ladollyvita at 12:36 PM
still waiting...for my sister to put down the phone.
oh sigh.
ladollyvita at 12:48 AM
im waiting for a call.
but my sister is hogging the phone.
and i havent talked to him for a long time.
and when he calls.the line is enggaged.
then we missed another chance to talk again.
ladollyvita at 12:44 AM
my dear rafie called. miss you babe. when are u coming down so i can push you around?
asked about my results and all. oh well. someday soon we'll meet again.
ive been lonely lately and i dont know why.
but nvm.
glad you called babe.
ladollyvita at 11:00 PM
yeap.
i passed everything. yay.
16.
it was a miracle.
i didnt study much.
honest.
but my momster is making me feel so sad. but nvm abt that. im happy. let me be. dont tell me to lie for you.
thanks to dear mexes...without him i wouldnt have gotten my results. i'll pay you tomorrow babe. you rock.
law and management?
you think?
im not sure.
i'll spend the whole night thinking. oh not alone. my whole family will think for me.
ladollyvita at 8:33 PM
give me a reason to be beautiful.
so sick in this body so sick in this soul.
ladollyvita at 3:43 AM
results tomorrow.
i cant sleep knowing im going to be dead the next day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUR.
i miss being loved.
ladollyvita at 12:05 AM
a sketch i drew. of cos not from my head but from a picture.
its is undone.
ladollyvita at 11:57 PM
yet another doodle. kissing.
ladollyvita at 11:56 PM
its 3:08AM. yeap. AM.
i cant sleep. theres a huge moth bumping around the room.
ladollyvita at 3:03 AM
he said im bugging him.
its times like these you learn to live again
its times like these you give and give again
its times like these you learn to love again
its times like these time and time again
ladollyvita at 12:22 AM
kamariah was fined. underage smoking. oh damn.
i hope that will never happen to me in the near bleak future of mine.
i think the doodle is cute.
and you are thinking...potraying me and him?
haha. maybe. potraying us a long time ago. if you would like me to potray us now...there will be a gap in between us and we will be standing facing each other and thats it. no words whatsoever written.
my parents are off to perth next week. yay?
i dont like loud people. they make me tweak.
ladollyvita at 11:03 PM
psychedelic love
do we have that?
drew that a few minutes ago. a doodle. a sad one.
ladollyvita at 10:55 PM
today i woke up at 11:15am. the phone rang. it was rafiqin.
i excercised today. my thighs are aching. which is good.
i had proper lunch. i actually went in the kitchen and cooked something.
spent hours and hours in front of the computer.
4:27pm. the phone rang. it was rafiqin.
4:34pm the conversation ended.
it was the longest and most undeveloped eight minutes i ever had.
back to the computer.
maybe playing the piano is as easy as typing.
today i was sad for thirty minutes.
but i am happy now. cos i tied a black balloon around my finger.
ladollyvita at 7:20 PM
its times like this you learn to love again.
its times like this time and time again.
ladollyvita at 5:15 PM
the problem with living is...
other people are around to mock you.
ladollyvita at 5:14 PM
is a girl suppose to burst when she sees her boyfriend out with another girl alone?
im not sure.
care to dazzle me with your opinions?
ladollyvita at 5:09 PM
he called.
i got nothing to say. i want to say. but maybe to his face when we go out which we dont do anymore.
now he watches movies alone.
i gave him all the space in the world. i dont even call him anymore. i dont even ask who he is going out with nowadays.
You can see this on my face
It's all for you
The more and more I take I break right through
Therapy still scares me
Putting me on my back again
I may be crazy, little frayed around the ends
One of these days I'll phase you out
You know you make me breakout
I don't want to look like that
i wonder
if we ever were any good together.
ladollyvita at 4:34 PM
to dinah who left a comment in my photos area...
firstly thank you for that nice compliment in which i highly doubt.
my insecurity simply derive from the fact that there is this number of people who have managed to stab through my self confidence. it is rare for me to feel insecure. and the recent problems that fell upon me caused me to break out. now im as low as the dirt and going out of the door just seems like a bad idea. im having a merry go round of bad lucks nowadays. it is effecting me. unfortunately.
sad isnt it. but it wont last forever. nothing does. this is yet just a phase? maybe. lets hope so.
my boyfriend is busy with work and all. im not trying to be an annoying girlfriend but...cant you see that we dont do much stuff together...and we dont talk as much as we used to cos it seems like theres nothing to say. and our kisses are just kisses. the touch of passion and longing for each other in our meetings and mushyness had disappeared as days pass us by. if we are coming to a split. i'll let you do that.
im not being paranoid. it is a realisation.
things fade out. i know. like you said, "one day i'll give you a letter that says we have to find something different and new"
no. dont write me a letter. dont tell me on the phone. tell that to my face and then i'll walk away.
i still do have feelings for you. i still do want to shower you with hugs and kisses and love and whatever. i still do want to run to your house when you are sick in bed. i still do want to be yours. but it all comes down to the fact that...
everything dies in the end.
ladollyvita at 2:31 PM
last night someone called at 1.30am. one ring and then he put down the phone. usually rafiqin does that so i called him back. unfortunately it wasnt him. so who could that person be?
anyway...
thanks shaz for the compliment which is so untrue but thanks anyway (haha!)
the religious class last night was actually great. i dont mind going once a week.
somehow it felt as if he knows of my doings recently. does he? it felt as if he was purposely referring to me. oh well. god knows.
im on a starvation mode today. i hate maggi mee its unhealthy. and i cant cook. so im starving out of my own ridiculous reasons.
ladollyvita at 1:49 PM
hello
I've waited here for you
everlong
tonight I throw myself into
and out of the red
out of her head she sang
come down
and waste away with me
down with me
slow how
you wanted it to be
I'm over my head
out of her head she sang
and I wonder
when I sing along with you
if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop whn I say when
breathe out so I can breathe you in
hold you in
and now I know you've always been
out of your head
out of my head I sang
{foo fighters - everlong}
ladollyvita at 1:39 PM
there is a logical reason why PARDON ME is stated up there. (besides the fact that i love this song by incubus.hah)
pardon me.
i may say much words of insults and neverending critisisms in my journal.
ladollyvita at 6:38 PM
im sick. ive been sneezing alot continuously. im dizzy.
ladollyvita at 11:44 PM
aunty: elly nie..kecik sangat...carik kejer pon orang tak nak.
fuck. that fucking hurts. you just added up to my insecurity. thanks for being such a caring aunty.
ladollyvita at 6:12 PM
//list of bad things that happened recently
1 relatives saw me and rafiqin probably holding hands and hugging.
2 mom read my journal.
3 the govt took away my ezlink.
4 left my house key outside for two days.
5 120 bucks spent on a new padlock.
6 ive lost my social side.
7 paranoid about rafiqin.
8 insecurity.
ladollyvita at 6:08 PM
the end of monday.my library book is due tomorrow.im so lazy to go out.
120 bucks is wasted becos of me.my unbelievable stupidity.sorry ma.
results are coming.another disappointment that will fall on my parents.
i know i didnt do well.
im dying.
ladollyvita at 6:01 PM
