Sunday, November 07, 2004

the past few days has been rather dramatic to the point that i simply cant take it anymore. i need to go to the beach and sleep on the dirty, rocky sands of pasir ris park. but alas, i am too weak to crawl out of bed or even bother about new pimples emerging. the simplicity of life that i once embraced with my little hands has now turned complex and dull at the same time. this is yet another phase.

i find myself scrutinizing everything to its very core and then get frustrated with the outcome of truth in it. the truth does hurt in so many ways only the stabbing of a butcher's knife into one's chest can potray. past memories should be locked up in a vault and never be opened up unless you are taking in your last breath. but that is obviously impossible because you will somehow stop and think. everytime you start to think of your life, the past haunts you down like a dog. usually you will remember more vividly the rotten memories. oh how you despise them.

noticed how i suddenly went into denial and stopped using 'I' and used 'you' instead? i am forever in denial. sometimes my ego is bigger than a hundred fat cows put together. arent we all the same.

i do not blame anybody for this slight nauseating stench of a pinch of life.

the only path back to my sanity is the one with the boy. he is the greatest gift from above and i am forever grateful. no matter how lost and in distress i feel, in the end i will fall back onto the one person that will comfort me with the whole of his heart, and that is his love.

"Not to be sentimental as i sound, but why the hell are we conditioned into the smooth strawberry-and-cream Mother Goose world, Alice in Wonderland fable, only to be broken on the wheel as we grow older and become aware of ourselves as individuals with a dull responsibility in life?" - Sylvia Plath (The Journals of Sylvia Plath)

ladollyvita at 1:54 PM