Wednesday, May 05, 2004

honestly

a month had passed ever since the all-fags-unite-and-eat-elly's-heart-out-with-chopsticks incident. i am still badly traumatised. but dealing with it.

im not sure if i should regret what we had before. in the first place did we even have anything? maybe it was just merely an illusion. maybe when i spoke of love to you. it was not really love. what the heck is love. stoopid thing.

when we were together, i wasn't really happy. i had severe paranoia and insecurities which i shouldn't have had. but i did care for you. always wanting to please you. always wanting to be there with/for you. bahh.

but alas,
your heart goes to him. and then i let go. willingly, voluntarily, sacrificingly.
and thats what i should have done a long time ago.
only the side effects were hard to bear.

i just feel sappy at this very moment. hence, a sappy entry.

im sorry to that person over there for sometimes mentioning that faggotwhore's name in our late night conversations. i know that its not polite to talk about the ex-bf. you are a good listener. i don't know how you can endure my neverending mumblings of unnecessary things. but you truly rock. and you deserve a herd of seamonkeys and a malaysian flag (=
ladollyvita at 8:31 PM