Sunday, April 04, 2004

looky here.
the curtains are down. night time is here. the ritual of crying til six in the morning is here. no, i dont force myself to cry. its au natural~. i just cant stop. because i never felt like this before.

it hurts too much. just too fucking much. why cant i control this.

been thinking abt you.
day and night. every day. every night. all the time. just now. now. later.
you won again.
how unfair. when is it my turn to screw your life like fuck and eat your heart?

its embarassing. its ashame. its humiliating. its inhuman.

images of you and him together are scaring me even when im awake and mostly when i want to sleep.
and then here i am. again. on the floor beside my bed with my head in my hands, i just sit down and cry.
while you are there. on my bed, under the blankets with him.

things just cant get any worse than this. can it?

i am warning you people who are reading my heartfelt entries, there will be alot of use of the words 'sad' 'life' 'gay' 'cry' and 'love' in my future entries. so get use to it or dont read. my stories are all the same. they're all about him.
why do i love you still.


ladollyvita at 11:54 PM