Sunday, April 04, 2004

it is still a sunday. so many things are on my mind. so many things of the same person.
biting nails and peeling skin on fingers and toes. not even realizing its bleeding after an hour passed. go away awful thoughts. go away and let me be.

why do i sound like nur? hahah. this is sad. haizzzzz....(sound familiar? hahahhahah)

im just awfully sad. its undescribable. tubs of mash potatoes wont even make me smile and no cute boys will make me drool. just sitting here. typing entry after entry trying so god damn hard to not fucking cry but i know i cant. cursing you, loving you, hating you...they're all the same feeling. just plain fucking sad.

i dont care if im immature or sound so bloody emotional. at least im straight. heh.

for every last bruise you gave me
for every time i sat in tears
for the million ways you hurt me
i just want to tell you this
you broke my world

the next line is "make me strong"
not now im not. maybe in a few months time. maybe.

elly elly elly...look at what you got yourself into...the same shithole you were in just a few months back, caused by the same person...please eh elly please fucking wake up please.

cry me a river.
cos i cried a river over you.

no that is not a song by justin. its an old jazz song. i forgot who sang it.

yadda yadda yadda...elly cries...same old same old.

if i am still bitter after 6mths. then something must be wrong.

going out of the house is like volunteering to be run down by a bus.
i dont want to go out. i dont want to look at people. i hate people.

but i must. life goes on...so i have to move with it. dont want to be left behind in this cruel gay infested world.
everyone just looks gay now.
think happy thoughts elly. happy thoughts. nobody is gay. its just your mind playing tricks on you. not everyone wants to stab you in the back...(or scratch your eyeballs from behind.hurhurhur). everyone have their own misery to attend to so you are not any fucking different from everyone else. elly, it is over. it is just the way it is now.

it is just the way it is.
breathe dear. breathe. and rurhlex.

oh why must you do me like that.
the pain you gave me is tremendously painful...i never felt so low before.
ladollyvita at 9:48 PM